I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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