Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
