I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
