We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
