I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
