so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
