this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
