This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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