It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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