come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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