he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
