Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
