please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
