The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
