Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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