At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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