Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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