I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
