Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
