Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
