i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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