I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
