I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
