I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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