Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
