Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
it was like eating out sand paper
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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