Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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