I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
