I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
