lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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