in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
