:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
