also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
