i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she told me i tasted like america
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
