we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
