I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
