im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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