Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
