I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
