My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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