the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
