You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
