If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
