We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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