I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
