i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
