You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
