# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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