fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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