she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
