So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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