When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
