You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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