This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
