Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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