You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
