The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm like, not good at living.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
