TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
