We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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