i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
