Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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