I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize