Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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