Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize