i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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