I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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