He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
