I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
