if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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