so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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