I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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