imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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