Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
