i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
