You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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