you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
