then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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